


i'm still here (and there's still everything you don't know)

by commonemergency



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Diners, F/M, Unresolved Feelings, set sometime in season 2 when jake comes back from undercover, they are best friends ok and they missed each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 19:39:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19257850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/commonemergency/pseuds/commonemergency
Summary: Jake never went into detail about what happened, she thinks that maybe it’s something that he’ll always keep to himself, that maybe he thinks it’s better that way. There’s truth in what he says, Jake had a hard time trusting people, and it was amazing what trust that he put in her, but he kind of had to because they were partners. If they didn’t trust each other then something bad could happen and—“I guess what I’m trying to say is, being with you—it feels normal. Or like, I’m on my way to feeling normal."(or, jake and amy, a diner, and some decaf coffee.)





	i'm still here (and there's still everything you don't know)

**Author's Note:**

> i miss b99. 
> 
> decided to rewatch it from the beginning, remembered how much i loved s1&2 and here we are. 
> 
> title from 'the pull of you' by the national. 
> 
> also thank you to [@obsessivelymoody](https://archiveofourown.org/users/obsessivelymoody/pseuds/obsessivelymoody/works) for reading this over for me. <333

“All I’m saying is, it’s never too late for breakfast.”

“— _Jake_ , it’s two-thirty in the morning.” Amy says as she moves the eggs around on her plate, looking up at him with some kind of amused but concerned face. 

“Exactly, that’s an early breakfast!” Jake fires back with a shrug, grabbing the forkful of pancakes and shoving it in his mouth. 

Amy shook her head as she looks down at her decaf cup of coffee with just the right amount of sugar and milk that Jake had ordered her before she got here. She keeps the fact that he got it exactly right in the corner of her brain, she can’t give him that. 

It’s quiet between them. It never really is, Jake can talk enough for the both of them, Amy wasn’t lying when she said that Jake just kind of became white noise. It was comforting to her, but now there was just nothing. 

This was the third time this week that they’ve met up so late in the night because Jake can’t sleep. Amy has been having a hard time saying no because, well, he’s her partner, and there was something about the way that he asks that makes Amy feel even more obligated to. It starts off vulnerable but so heavily layered with sarcasm it raises red flags even if it was just the way that Jake _is._

She had never gone undercover for the amount of time that he did, the longest was a couple of weeks with almost daily check ins with their previous captain and somehow Jake always found a way to talk to her even through that, even when she always told him not to. It’s what their partnership and friendship was made out of though—Jake always finding some way to bend the rules and Amy always sticking to them. 

Amy would never admit it, those few weeks of her being undercover, it was nice knowing that in some capacity Jake was there. The guilt kind of settles in her stomach knowing that she just couldn’t do the same for Jake. He knew that, and she knew that he’d never fault her to it. She was just sticking to the rules even if the rules sucked. Even if she didn’t like them. 

But there were nights, like around this time of night, when she’d be laying in bed and she thought about reaching out to him. She wouldn’t even know where to start to try and find him, but she just wanted to know if he was doing okay, and tell him about all the ridiculous names from the perps she put away, or what oddball thing Charles brought to the precinct to make everyone try. 

She felt like she let him down. 

That’s why she was here, and why she kept answering his texts, and why she kept on coming. 

“You’re ridiculous.” Amy finally says with a small smirk on her face, staring up at him for a brief second. 

It was getting harder and harder to look him in the eye. She gulped her last of the coffee before pushing it towards the edge for more. 

Jake is looking down at his own coffee (non-decaf) with an intense stare, like the cup had done something to him. She wants to reach out to him, her fingers betray her for a second as they outstretched towards him, but she pulled them back, placing them gently in her lap. 

“Are—” Amy starts off, her voice wavers for a fraction of a second, “Are you okay?” 

Jake snaps out of it within seconds of her asking, he’s smiling in the way that he usually does when he’s talking to victims to let them know that the situation was _totally fine_ , even if it wasn’t. 

She furrowed her eyebrows slightly at that. They were always honest with each other. 

“Yeah,” he says with a shrug, fingers tapping against the mug. “Yeah I’m great. Just… a little tired, I guess.” 

She wishes she had more decaf coffee, wishes she could give herself something else to do other than eat because that’s the last thing she wants to do right now. There’s an acidic feeling in the pit of her stomach and it keeps getting stronger and stronger threatening to come back up her throat and choke her. 

“You haven’t been sleeping.” Amy says, staring into his eyes now. 

He just seems. 

_Lost._

A word that Amy wouldn’t really use on Jake. He was a lot of things, but never lost. 

(Except, there was one time when they had to go to New Jersey for a case, what would normally be a two hour drive turned into a five hour drive because Jake missed not one but two exists and somehow it derailed _everything_. She was so furious at him but it had ended up being a really fun night back making fun of all of his music choices even though she kind of secretly loved them.) 

“No.” He agrees. He drinks the last from his mug and puts it right next to hers. 

Amy takes his answer, stashes it away in her pocket for later. 

“Okay.” Amy nods, taking a bite of her eggs. 

She wonders why he called her, Charles was his best friend, Gina knew him best, Rosa went to the academy with him, even Terry had talked him off the ledge from time to time. 

Amy didn’t understand what made her any different from them. 

She often thought that they were so different from each other, the only thing they had in common was that they loved their job. 

(They also loved Thai food, could agree that nuts belonged in chocolate, and the bodega near the precinct had the best coffee in all of New York City, among other small _completely_ mindless things.)

And then, he looks at her, the way that he did the night before he left and it makes a tingle run down her spine. 

And then, she remembers, _Teddy._

The guilt doesn’t just sit in her stomach is bubbles. 

_They were friends_ , she thinks, her nails digging into her palm. 

_They were friends_ , and this is what you do when your friend went undercover for six months. 

He would have done the same for her. 

Jake goes back to eating his food, and the waitress refills their cups with decaf. Maybe she knows that Jake needs to find some sleep tonight too. Amy can tell that he’s getting a little restless and his shoulders are slumping just a little bit more than they usually do. She wants to reach out and tuck the hair that’s falling in his face back and make him something less acidic than the coffee that they’re drinking.

She has to stop herself from furthering her thought process. 

They were both tired with way too much to catch up on, but they couldn’t do it here, even in this tiny little 24 hour diner with only them and a few other people in it. 

Jake grabs his wallet out of his pocket and slaps a twenty with a hefty tip, grabbing his leather jacket that sat next to him in the booth and he slides out. 

Amy follows suit waving goodbye to the waitress and walks a little bit behind Jake. 

He notices and slows his pace. 

“I’ll walk you home.” Jake says. 

“Jake, you don’t have to—” 

Jake shrugs quickly in response. “I want to.” 

“But that’s more exercise for you which you _hate_.” Amy says with a small smile, bumping his shoulder with her own. 

Jake looks at her with a small smile, and for a second, she has him back. 

“I can get a taxi back.” 

Amy gives him a knowing look, “What about your crushing debt?” 

“Let me walk you home, Santiago, damn!” He laughs, and he throws his head back. 

And he stays like that, if Amy weren’t so cold she’d agree and say that the cold breeze felt really good. 

She looks down at her phone and remembers the unread messages from Teddy. He was supposed to come over tonight, but Amy had fallen asleep early and Jake’s call had been the one to wake her up and she just got ready so fast she didn’t have time to tell Teddy that they’d have to take a raincheck. 

She sticks her phone back in her pocket, looking down at the pavement and kicking a few stray rocks to the side. 

“I’ve been having a hard time adjusting.” Jake says, his voice is low and quiet. 

She takes a deep breath, ready for the conversations that they’ve been dancing around but never fully getting into because of—well, Amy doesn’t really know, but this was new territory in their friendship. 

“—And they’ve been making me see this therapist, and I don’t really want to talk to him because you know me—and I apparently _have issues with male authority_ —” he says in a mocking accent. 

“— _I don’t know_ , I guess I have a hard time trusting people, which is _crazy_ , right?” His voice goes high and Amy makes eye contact again, and it’s like everything sort of stops for that one moment. 

Amy bites on her bottom lip, only noticing that his hands are slightly shaking. 

Jake never went into detail about what happened, she thinks that maybe it’s something that he’ll always keep to himself, that maybe he thinks it’s better that way. There’s truth in what he says, Jake had a hard time trusting people, and it was amazing what trust that he put in her, but he kind of had to because they were partners. If they didn’t trust each other then something bad could happen and—

“I guess what I’m trying to say is, being with you—it feels normal. Or like, I’m on my way to feeling normal. I’m not... completely there yet, but eating really cheap breakfast food after a long shift and talking about nothing is just something I missed—when I was gone.” 

Amy stares at him again and wraps her arms around him for a hug. 

It shocks him, he stiffens for a second before complying. Amy closes her eyes, feeling all the parts that Jake so badly tried to ice over start to melt. 

“I missed you too.” She says as she pulls away, fixing her jacket and collar. 

It makes Jake smile. 

“Thanks,” Jake says, his eyes flicker towards the ground before he stares back up at her with the most earnest eyes, “...Amy.” 

They walk the rest of the way to her apartment, laughing at all the perps that Jake would have loved because of their _totally awesome how can they be real?_ kind of name, and he tells her in fragments of the few funny things that happened to him undercover. There’s a little bit more to the stories that he tells her, but he says, one day, he’ll tell her all about it. 

One day, he says, she’ll know everything. 

She says that she won’t hold him to it, but she’d keep his secrets safe if he did. 

By the time they get to her apartment Jake has loosened up considerably, like there’s more pep in his step, and his laughter is a little lighter, and the dark underneath his eyes don’t seem as frightening anymore. 

“Thanks for walking me home, Peralta.” She reaches out to place a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it gently before fiddling with her keys in her pocket. 

Jake just nods, backing away but never turning his back to her. 

“See you in the morning, Santiago.” He salutes her and it makes her roll her eyes which he smiles at. 

“I expect a coffee on my desk tomorrow Jake.” She warns with a smile, already halfway in her door.

“Already on it!” He lifts his hand in the air, waving her goodbye. 

Amy watches him leave. 

_Sleep well_ , she thinks, before turning in. 

When she gets ready for bed she looks at the time, noticing how it’s three-thirty in the morning. 

Jake texts her. 

_Thanks for everything Ames_  
_Soz I keep distrubting your sleep._

Amy smiles and shakes her head.

 _It’s disrupting or maybe you meant disturbing._  
_I don’t mind Jake._

Amy looks at the messages that Teddy messaged her, thinking that it’s too late now, she can reply in the morning. It makes her stomach churn a little, but she pushes it down. Jake needed her, they were partners, but above all, they were friends. Best friends. 

_I meant both_  
_C u tomorrow :)))))))_  
_With the coffee i promised u_

Amy bites her lip. 

_Go to sleep Jake._

She puts her phone on the charger and he replies one more time. 

_Fineeee_

*

The next morning Jake leaves a cup of Brooklyn’s finest coffee (from the bodega by the precinct) on her desk with just the right amount of cream and sugar that she liked with a sticky note on top of the lid that just said _thanks._

She saves the sticky note in her desk, and only when she becomes sergeant and cleans out her desk does she see the sticky note again. She looks up at her _fiancé_ with his eyebrows furrowed at a case that he’s been working on for weeks and she smiles.

**Author's Note:**

> if you liked it let me know with a comment/kudos! 
> 
> let's talk b99!!!  
> you can find me on tumblr: [**@lesbianperaltas.**](https://lesbianperaltas.tumblr.com/)  
>  or twitter: **@nihilismdan.**  
> [REBLOG](https://lesbianperaltas.tumblr.com/post/185665150298/im-still-here-and-theres-still-everything-you) on tumblr (if ya want)


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